


Keeping a secret

by Pomelofangirl



Category: Code Lyoko
Genre: Bittersweet, Consequences of Time Travel, Guilt, Introspection, Multi, Non-Linear Narrative, Post-Season/Series 04, mention of near death experiences and various deaths as per usual cl episodes, non evolution compliant, power of friendship won't cure you but will help you live i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 03:34:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20401009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pomelofangirl/pseuds/Pomelofangirl
Summary: You are bound by the endless friendship of course, but also by the trauma it brought. You don't talk about it all that much though, because you don't want to bring down the mood on those reunions now that you all don't attend Kadic anymore.So you keep it a secret.





	Keeping a secret

**Author's Note:**

> Code lyoko fics?? In 2019?? Much more likely than you thought.
> 
> I went back to the cartoon of my childhood and realized that 1) all of them were only 14 at most 2) it influenced me a hecka lot and was always there for me in trying times 3) there isn't any probability of them ever adressing how the Lyoko Warriors will live after the adventure is over, say 10 years into the future without bringing back xana or something 4) I have too many feelings and need to write them down. 5) Keeping secrets must be a strain of them and the only ones they have are each other which is both cute and must be tiring and impact the other relationships they try in their lives.
> 
> Also watching the cartoon as an adult knowing that all of them are no older than 15 is jarring, so I needed sorta a fix it, and that's the attempt I made here.
> 
> Spoilers for all the 95 episodes of the animated series in case it wasn't obvious.
> 
> Not beta'd but I tried my best, please forgive me for all the mistakes and unclarities.
> 
> It's in 2nd pov for all of the characters because I love that kind of narrative, just saying in case it is not your cup of tea. Also by non-linear narrative I mean that the thoughts had by the characters are at different point in their lives, sometimes more years after Lyoko, sometimes less, but I mean it as a general thought that went through each of their minds at some point in their lives.

_William_

You can't trust anyone. It's odd you would after all that happened. One year under possession by a computer program where you probably hurt people. The people you'd call friends if they let you, but they don't. You aren't filled in on things that much. One year off your life wasted. You said once that you believe in destiny and love. It's not how you imagined them to bring you together with Yumi, a hereditary enemy for a while just for daring to fight for the good. And it's not like you can tell anyone. Nobody would truly understand either way.

So you keep it a secret.

_Jeremie_

The guilt eats away at you at nights when you sleep. That's why, most of the nights you don't. Xana might've been defeated and supercomputer shut down, buried after the debris so that none of you have the slightest temptation to ever put in on again. And you know some of you would, sooner or later. So the fight might be gone, but not completely. Some habits stay with you such as, programming to the wee hours of the morning is something you're so used to it's hard to get some sleep. And when you do, you end up with nightmares, not the ones as violent as Aelita had one year ago, but some strong enough to keep you from sleeping. You haven't had a good night sleep in a while, you're not likely to ever have it. The guilt eats away at you, the guilt of keeping the supercomputer on in the first place. Of risking it all for the triumph of science – _Aelita is an intelligent being, she deserves to live._ The love came later. The guilt of not being able to bring back William right away is something you're going to live with for the rest of your life. He didn't ask for this, and just wanted to help. That's probably the worst of it. Things could go differently if you've been there but you weren't. You don't think he'd ever forgive you for this. The guilt eats away at you at letting Aelita's father die, just like that. At her seeing her parent die, (again). You don't think she will ever forgive you for this, even if you didn't believe Franz Hopper could have been brought back anyway. Then again you didn't really believe you could materialize Aelita either and here she is. Real. The guilt of wanting to go back, of not admitting that you buried the supercomputer because you thought the temptation is too great. Its calculating power is still yet unparalleled and you know it would help you in everyday life. But it's not like you can tell anyone of this. They don't understand. They haven't been electrocuted most of the time or had the responsibility of having experiments on humans (That's what William's clone was, wasn't it?) or the consequences of possibly endangering your friends by virtualization (That Hopper was fake, you remind yourself but his theory not implausible, after all supercomputer was powered by nuclear reactor, and you'd be surprised if you didn't turn up with some radiation sickness later in life.). Speaking of later in life, the condemnation of Aelita to lead a fake life as if she was the girl from a computer, doomed to never get answers about her past. Keeping her safe is the most important for now. Either way they don't realize the responsibility you had on all this. Still you don't tell them. You realize you did all of this for love and that might be worth something.

You keep it a secret.

_Yumi_

Sometimes you admit that you miss it. The fight on Lyoko, the undying friendships. The feel of _there's__ something more to life than this_. And then you remember 10th grade and wonder who ever allowed this. There's a lot of trauma to unpack that you will never get to. The only closure you get is meeting with the Lyoko warriors and at that time be loud about it. „Hey, the thing we did in 10th grade was fucked up, wasn't it”. They allow you to do that, even if for most of them it was more of the greatest adventure rather than this super dangerous thing that no teenager should've been put through no matter what they did. You think of all the times you almost died whether in the real world, or on Lyoko, and you wonder if it's possible to even move on to the real life, the everyday. It's not even the thrill of the adventure, it's the fact that looking back on it, the adventure seems much longer, at least 5 years instead of the only 2 that passed on the calendar. And it might've been so with all the returning to the pasts. You heard Jeremie being tired of explaining to Jim or any others about Lyoko for the nth time just because they've been in the laboratory before, but don't remember that. That's why you don't think you can get with anyone else even if you wanted to. You are bound by the endless friendship of course, but also by the trauma it brought. You don't talk about it all that much though, because you don't want to bring down the mood on those reunions now that you all don't attend Kadic anymore.

So you keep it a secret.

_Ulrich_

Living with your parents made you good at keeping secrets, or at least that's what you want to believe. In retrospect Lyoko is nothing to write home about. Why ponder on things long gone, things you cannot tell anybody outside of your group? You weren't a talker in the first place so you're good at keeping that secret, buried down by years of experiencing life as it is. You know that you will miss the friendship though when you all part ways. In every way those friends were your family, even if you don't want to admit it. The support you got from them, how well you knew each other, it will not be ever the same. But that would take the whole afternoon to talk about.

So you keep it a secret, and don't say anything.

_Odd_

You _do_ miss the thrill of the adventure and being a purple cat on Lyoko. You _do_ miss the times you could do a day over and fix all of your mistakes before, even if compared to Jeremie there weren't that many. What you _don't_ miss is the whole _people being possessed __by a computer program_ thing. Even though William and Sissi are your friends you cannot look them in the eye. You're not sure if you'll accidentally see that well known symbol of Xana in their eyes, if they won't suddenly attack you. Same thing about your parents. Yes you trusted your friends at the time, this wasn't even the first possession by Xana. By far this was not the first time you almost died. You find that you don't trust anyone completely, and nobody is ever good enough. The others are lucky to end up with each other, you think, because partners for life are hard to find, especially good ones that would understand your apathy sometimes. But none do. You hang out with William more because he was your friend before he was Ulrich's rival and sometimes you bond over that, but William is not interested in you _like that_, even if he's over Yumi finally. You've been good at keeping secrets anyway, and both your meetings with him and your preference towards boys is a secret you're gonna keep for a while.

_Aelita _

Sometimes you feel bad for your compassionate and loving nature. If it wasn't for it, you wouldn't be fooled most of the time by Xana's traps, or by William when he was possessed. That regret is probably not gonna go away anytime soon. You were there. And you could have been the one possessed by Xana forever. Sometimes you wonder if you weren't meant to in the first place, and then another wonder of “_would your friends risk their lives again for a virtual being?_” ponds at your thoughts. You're not sure if they would repeat the experience, if they wouldn't just give up and move on. Its because of you William was trapped there for such a long time. You still want to trust him, bring yourself to at least talk to him, you and Odd. The others wouldn't. Your empathy leads you there, everywhere. Sometimes you damn your compassion and love for forgiving Jeremie to condemn you to life in hiding and a fake identity. It was still better than what your father did to you, even if both of them were guided by their endless love towards you, and the will to keep you safe. You remind yourself that you were all only children, not knowing what they're doing half the time. You remind yourself that you can be forgiven, perhaps, for not trying to bring your father bad enough. You might not have family but you know that the friendship you got with these guys is for life, and _it will_ remain for life because nobody else will understand. You know they're here and they always will be, whenever you need them. Yes, your love and compassion might have misled you in the past, but it's the same love and compassion that they got that brought you here in the first place. Funny that, trusting that one artificial intelligence to be something more. So you can't wait to tell them all about it. How important all of them are to you.

And you definitely don't want to keep it a secret.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to hear what you think <3


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